hello from "very remote town"

Ah, internet.

How I missed you.

I've almost devolved into a piece of fossil with no information being constantly shoved down my throat for the past week. Wait, it's just a week? I'm sure from the time I left civilisation till today, several summers have passed.

Ah, time sure passes slooowly without internet.

Well, here I am doing my 'rural' GP block. In the small town of Blairgowrie. Just half an hour's drive away from Dundee.

Was a little disappointed, yes I admit. I was expecting some kinda exotic jungle or remote island or even a town with a pop of 1000 when I chose "very remote town" in my selection. But no, I got placed here. In a town of 8000+, with not only a Tesco AND a Somerfield, but a Cottage Hospital to boot. Conversely that's where I'm bunking in, right above the patients. Joy.

Weather here hasn't been kind too. Not a single day without rain and heavy clouds overhanging the town. It's been more than a week since I last saw sunshine come to think of it, waking up everyday thinking it's still dark outside, when in fact I'm already late.

I even brought along a tripod thinking maybe I can get some amateurish photography done. Oh well, 7 more weeks to go I'm sure there'll be sun sometime in between.

And then 'Ardblair Medical Practice' happened. Yeah, it's like a big event in my life haha :P

Less than a week here, and I've been made to feel like I've been here all along. The ladies at the reception, the practice manager, the IT lady, the nurses, the health visitors, the GPs. And damn, the GPs. Only sat in with half of them so far, but each and every one of them just cracks me up. The stories told behind closed doors, the banter exchanged over coffee break.

I'm sure this is the most fun I've had in medicine in a while.

Oh, and just yesterday there was cake and wine too.

Joy (:

--

Onto a 'Food for thought'. From the GP tutor during the introduction briefings for our rural GP block:

.. once you study medicine, you will never be a lay person again..

How true, something I've been thinking about on and off over the years. At times I forget that I'm in a privileged position, knowing so much about medicine, about the inner workings of people's bodies, I forget what it felt like to be a lay person.

That sometimes when I talk to others, I subconsciously expect them to have a certain level of knowledge (of medicine), never thought that less than 50% of them know where their heart is.

Truth is, I am a very lucky person to have an education that I've had.

It's a privilege I'm reminded of every time I talk to patients these days.

--

ps - i'm now connected to the rest of the world because I have my own login to the computers here now. I felt like I just came back from the dead.

Haha yeah right. I was actually enjoying my internet-less days by myself, being a rural boy at heart (just hate big, unfriendly cities). Gone through so many movies in just a weekend, I'm looking forward to getting back to Dundee just so I can download even more movies to watch :D

And I'm pretty amazed how 'free' I am now, not knowing how much time I waste online before this. Ah here I am wasting time online now. Signing off from "very remote town", ta!

perspective from the other side of the needle

Okay, I lied.

I know I said I'll revive this blog and pull it out from the depths of where-blogs-go-to-lie, but the reasons not to blog grew longer and longer on my mind-written list. It was the lack of inspiration and motivation, really, more than time to blog. As days go by, I grew more and more apathetic about blogging. Once upon a time I can be found typing in front of a computer narrating away on everything, but now, everytime I opened up Blogger's dashboard, I felt a tugging sensation in my mind, telling me, "Why should I even bother?"

For one thing, I have to remind myself, this might be the only footprints left from my past.

So here I am, willing to try again. Let's try this again, shall we?

--

I was at the Blood Donor Centre today. Just a very impromptu decision I made, to do my bit for the 'Greater Good'. Oh I'm so noble haha. Not that it was something new, been donating blood rather irregularly over the past few years anyway. Remembered the first time I donated blood, way back in college, together with the PM1 gang. Not much else recalled though, ain't sure did I grit my teeth all throughout or did I thrashed about and screamed at the nurses with burning eyes who were ill-bent on drawing blood out of me. I'm pretty sure the second part was just a dream. I think.

Now that I'm in my final year studying medicine (and seen more than I ever thought I would in my life), it's a kinda strange feeling to know so much more about what was going on during the blood donating process, while donating blood.

I used to think the alcohol wipes they use to clean the skin before they stab me with the giant needle contained some kind of painkiller to numb my skin. I made that part up to reassure myself I guess, trying to psyche myself into believing that it'll be a painless process. Mind you, that needle is BIG okay. Like the size of the drinking straw you suck your milo ais out of the glass through. Alright maybe not that big, but it's still big, kay?

As I lie on the bed with my right arm extended and the nurse wiping ever so thoroughly with the alcohol swabs, I glanced at the soon-to-be-pricked site on my arm with a little hesitance. I know I have prominent veins and the nurses do this all the time, but that tiny delusion I used to held on tightly to convince myself "it's not painful, it's not painful, it's not- .. okay, it might sting a little" is all but dispelled by my 4 years of book-hugging.

"You doing fine there?" the nurse asked out of the blue. I came out of the thoughts in my head, as I noted she was looking up at my face. "Yup" I managed to reply as cheerfully as I could, just before she proceed to bring the needle closer .. and closer .. to my skin .. as my eyes widened.

--

It's one thing to prick others with a needle. It's another thing to let others prick you. I've lost count of how many unfortunate patients have been on the receiving end of the needle in my hand, yet that did not really harden me much to being pricked myself. There is still the hesitance as the nurse wipe at your skin, the fear as you glance at the needle, and the teeth-gritting as you hear the foreboding words, "Sharp coming".

The pain, of course, was insignificant. It wasn't the amount of pain anticipated that caused the gut shrinking as I see the needle, but more of the anticipation of pain itself. Each time during blood donation, I tried not to look away from the needle but ended up turning my head away anyway. Kinda like a reflex that I couldn't stop. Heh. Let's see if I manage to do that next time.

Just an interesting observation of my own self during the otherwise uneventful 30 minutes of getting blood out of me. Oh, besides the bloke next to me getting his needle accidentally tugged out and have his blood pouring all over the floor. Just kidding haha.

--

PS - Please donate blood as often as you can. It doesn't hurt much (even so, it's more than worth it), doesn't take much time, and everyone (mostly) can do it. I've personally seen lives being saved by donated blood right in front of my eyes. It's the least and the most one can ever do for another, giving them a chance to live :)

searching for signs of life..

It's pretty sad that most of the blogs are dead..

Oh wait, so is this one.

--

Be back up real soon. Stay tuned.

of carousels and candy floss

Having a blog is pretty interesting. For myself, at least.

Once in a while, when I get bored I read back on what I wrote months, years ago. It's like looking through a time machine at my own self in the past. Reading the thoughts my past self was thinking. It kind of felt surreal, like I wasn't that me who wrote that post.

It's like I'm reading another person narrating his my past thoughts.

--

Long overdue update, I know. There has been so many things I wanna write down here, but no time to write. Yet when I have time to write, nothing seems to come out of my head.

Just to narrate my life here, I'm halfway through my Dermatology block now. Really love this block so far.. mainly because we're being spoonfed again yay! :P. Just sit for tutorials everyday, be a fly on the wall in clinics, no presentation expected, most of all, no ward work to do. I would have been enjoying myself, if not for the fact that it's 10 weeks before our finals and i haven't started my revision. Gah!

On another note, handed in my fourth year project report yesterday. Which has been plaguing me for months, just lying there half-baked. I admit i must have taken my time to do it slowly, but the last week has been the worst and longest week i had. The fatigue and lack of sleep were fighting with my sanity. I wasn't even aiming for a published paper, because my project was apparently 'unpublishable'. Seems like i wasn't the only one guilty of procrastination though, and it's amusing actually seeing a bunch of zombified 4th years in the morning yawning away during tutorials.

Good thing it's over. Now i can lose sleep from studying last minute for the finals instead. Oh, joy.

--

First day post-project-submission, i decided to finally get those dozens of milk bottles to the recycling centre. Most people can't be bothered and just chuck them into the bin, yes, but i can't help myself but to feel the guilt if i could have done more for the environment, but chose not to. So off i go on the half-hour walk to the recycling centre, before walking on towards the city.

Along the way, i saw a part of my childhood flashed across my mind.

swiped from baliomegatron's flickr without permission

A funfair was set up by the river side, just opposite the local airport. It brought a smile to my face, as i recall the times i've been to these fun fairs. I guess i must have been quite young then, as i can't remember the last time i was there. Back in JB, there occasionally will be some funfair being set up in town. Sometimes we went in just because we happened to see it while on the way somewhere else, other times we joined in the fun because we knew it was held.

Today as I walked past the half-ready funfair, i saw it through different eyes than my wee eyes saw in the past. I saw the trucks that towed those rides, the men that worked hard fixing them up, the same people who travel from place to place bringing the fun to the little kids. Little kids like who i used to be.

I can just imagine the amazement and thrills my blog will be all about, if i had a blog then. Of joy that the funfair has come to town, of delight in taking a bite out of candy floss. It'll all have a magic quality to it, a sort of fantasy land with bright lights at night. Lots of smiley faces probably, haha but they never existed then. Do anyone even remember when did these smiley faces first appear? They were called some quirky 'chat lingo' then. There was even an article listing them, from bucktoothed vampire :-F to the moustached smiley :{). Not long after that, the computers around the world started churning out cutesy voice of 'Uh-oh's, and how we used to laugh at a chatbox full of people trying to talk at the same time, with blinding colours and font sizes increasing out of control.

Ah, memories. But i digress.

Looking at the empty funfair, waiting to admit children with smiles on their faces and amazement in their eyes, i can't seem to relate to the same excitement anymore. The games seem childish and the rides boring. Carousels, slides, candy floss, games of luck. Somehow, it felt like they all have lost their meanings to me. All i see in front of me are machinery and workers who ply their trade from place to place. The magic of funfairs has gone, along with everything else in the past.

As the funfair disappear out of sight behind me and my childhood memories fade, i'm left with just the old and jaded me.

Me who wants the magic of his childhood back.

--

Now i imagine myself in 10 years time and wondering what the hell am i doing reminiscing my childhood when i'm still so 'young'. Aha just for this, this blog shall survive till then!

That said, happy belated birthday to me! (had a 'surprise' birthday complete with fried tofu thanks to so-p (: damn i'm craving for tofu again.. )

what holiday?

So.

Our 'Easter' break is almost over now. Come Tuesday, we'll be thrust back into the wards to fend for ourselves again. We will be going through the process of being lost sheep on the first day to being good at pretending we learned something at the end of the 4 weeks, before the whole cycle restarts. Wash, rinse, repeat.

No, you can see I'm not looking forward to it. I don't hate learning, no. I like knowing more things. One can never have enough knowledge after all. What I hate was the expectations that I am learning. That by the end of the block, I should know this and that. Should have watched this and that. Should have done this and that.

Because more often than not, I find myself trying to know this, watch that, do this and that the whole block, instead of really learning.

Especially the dreaded logbooks. Those evil logbooks.

Sigh. But it's a necessary evil and it's here to stay anyway.

Onto something else.

Next block I'll be treading unfamiliar territories. Geriatrics. Or in non-medical-jargon-talk, medicine of the elderly. Commonly known as the most unpopular specialty, next to Oncology.

But I find my little brother's blog post very relevant and inspiring. Do go read.

And tell me if you don't see the most important people in your life in a different light. I know a few psychiatrists.

--

Till next, ta.

wanna see Dundee?

Last week, as I sat in the shuttle bus on the one-hour ride back to Ninewells from Perth Royal Infirmary, something familiar caught my eye when I was staring out the window mindlessly.

It's a plain black hatchback. What's peculiar about it is that it has a pole attached onto its roof. And at the top of the pole is something that look like loudspeakers directed at 8 directions.

picture credit: Scoopt/GettyImages

Of course, I knew just what it was the moment I saw it.

All the way back to last year when I was working, I got so bored that most of my time was spent on the internet. And one site I used to check out was www.googlesightseeing.com (touring the world without leaving your seat! haha)

Which was where I first saw this familiar peculiar looking car.

Yes, it's a Google Street View car! :D

And today, Google Street View of UK went live. No surprise there that Dundee is in the list (:

Too bad I didn't manage to get into any of its photos. I was in the bus after all sigh. But if anyone wants to stalk me check out what Dundee is like, look out below (:

Dundee city centre

View Larger Map

Next time you see a car like that, you know what to do: chase after it and get your 30 seconds of fame! haha

nothing makes you cry, like a baby does

I look at the 6-months old baby on her mum's lap.

Those BIG blue eyes, one can easily lose himself in them.

Beautiful little girl, who'd smile when tickled (:

The only thing you'll notice is that she doesn't fix her gaze.

And she has a nasogastric tube up her nose because she couldn't feed yet.

Causing her to make gurgling sounds when she wants to cry.

--

I look at the parents of this little girl.

The mum was bouncing the little girl on her lap.

Showering her baby with kisses.

The pride in her smile.

The joy in her voice.

The determination in her eyes.

--

Little girl has been doing much better, says mum.

She has began to smile.

--

I felt like crying, yet I'm not sure if I was feeling sad for them.

Or that I'm so deeply touched by them.